The all singing, all dancing blog of Alex Guite

Sunday, June 18, 2006

eating my keyboard

Recently I've been working really hard on takin' it easy after the exams. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of it as well.

Last week I popped up to Oxford to help Becky celebrate the end of her exams. I assited in the only way I know: by drinking a number of cocktails which were on fire.

On my return to London I entertained and hosted Ev and Hutch (of going to school with me fame) and Jat for the weekend. Notable events included Hutch loosing a bet to Jat which resulted in him wearing a stylish hat for the entire weekend as forefeit (read on for more interesting anecdotes connected with the hat).

I've also spent some time in Cardiff, during which time I was chiefly concerned with the production of smoothies and the drinking thereof. I also achieved a life ambition: to get stuck in a motorway traffic jam so bad that I could get out of my car and sit on the central reservation. In addition to exchanging frustrated grimaces with my fellow drivers, I spent most of the hour and a half I was stuck there wondering whether it would be a social faux-part to piss on the embankment (conclusion: yes it would have been even though I desperatley needed to go; I passed the time by phoning people such as Gav to explain the nature of my predicament).

Back in the days of web 1.0 I ran thefinephotosite where I exhibited all of my photography pictures. It turns out that shortly before my A-levels finished I promised to update the site and I even went so far as to pledge that if I didn't, "I would eat my keyboard". You can probably guess just how confident I was that I would update the site. But my young optimism was misplaced: I haven't touched the site for four years. Hutch was having none of this and challenged me to follow through on my promise on a confectionary keyboard which he himself undertook to create. The only snag: should I fail to eat the keyboard in under twenty minutes I would have to wear Hutch's hat to Cardiff Union's end of term event, 'Drink the Bar Dry' (I must say, I was impressed by the Union's commitment to encouraging responsible drinking). I was well up for the challenge, and after we set out some basic ground rules (such as the 'no peanut rule') I was feeling pretty confident. Eight packets of Munchies, two sponge cakes, a Twix and one Flake later Hutch and his crack team of cake artisans had crafted a genuine keyboard.

The moment I realised that this could well be a Sisyphean task was when Ev mentioned that they had used fondant icing. Fondant icing! Forsoothe! Is it possible to find a sweeter, stogier or more sickly icing? The answer is that it is as impossible as finding more words which begin with 's' to continue alliterating about fondant icing. Nonetheless I refused to shrink from the challenge. I gave it my best shot but when I started shivering from the ridiculous sugar consumption at the three quarters mark I knew it was time to give in.


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