Super-investigative-exposé: the man behind the comments

In between all the marriage proposals and signed knickers I've been receiving in my fanmail, I've recently been getting a lot of requests from readers who want to know more about prolific blog comment artist, Gavin.
Operating under various nom de plume, but mostly under his classic tag 'Gav', he has bought us some of the greatest insights of the 21st century. Who could forget the masterly:

London people wear scarves whatever the weather. Fact. Richard Bacon is not cool. Fact. The Sultan is not me. Fact. Alex Guites needs to be done with this. Fact.

Or how about the tear jerking:

Al - update your blog for fizzle's sake. I'm bored of searching the motherfizzling internet for things to read about people I don't fizzling know!

So what motivates Gavin? Why has he chosen to share his sageness and perception through the medium of this blog and not peer reviewed journals? Why does he never wear a shirt in photos?
I decided the best way to investigate this living legend would be to spend a day with him at a fashionable auction house as he expanded his germinating collection of objet d'art.
During a pause in the breathless bidding, I sneaked in the first question. Some people with a penetrating eye for rhyme, have started referring to Gav as 'Gav the Chav'. I wanted to know what he thought about this label.
"You know, Alex", he started, using his endearing method of repeating a person's name as he began his answer, "in my line of work you have to be ready for this sort of reaction. They're probably just jealous that they've never mistaken a large rock for a lilo."
The lilo incident reminded me of another question I'd wanted to ask the Llanishen High School graduate. "You once drank sixteen shots of sambuca in just one club as part of a night out-". He cut me short. "It was eighteen; eighteen shots of sambuca" he corrected me. It led me to wonder whether given the choice he would rather drink pepsi or coke. His answer, as with so many aspects of the interview such as the Jack Russel Terrier which was still humping my leg, surprised me. He raged that I'd offered him a false choice, that I'd tried to trick him with the question and even threatened to end the interview.
I took the interview back on to territory I knew he'd feel comfortable discussing: his much publicised love of Skittles. I asked him about the Skittles advert he'd just finished filming which premiers this summer, a photomontage of his record breaking Skittle consumption feat.
"At the 14kg mark I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, but I knew that thanks to all my training I could get through it. The 17th kilogram was the most lonely kilogram of my life. But once I got to the 20kg benchmark I knew the record was in sight. But I didn't just want to limp past the record weight. I wanted to completely destroy the previous record. I'm not the sort of person who wants to just set stupid records. I want to be the person who sets unbeatably ludricous records."
"So that's why you ate 31.4kg of Skittles?" I prompted.
"Yes." His answer said it all.
As Gavin returned to bidding, this time on a set of art deco gym mats, I left realising that although there is much still to discover about 'Gav' or the 'Big G' or 'anonymous', his answers did shed some light on the mystery that lies within the man behind the comments. But maybe it's not about the questions he answers, but about the comments he makes.
Let's see.