Stuff I ate and didn't eat today

I'm always turning down offers from publishing houses to write the latest fad diet. But as a special treat, I thought I'd give you a quick gastronomic tour of my day.
It's revision period and everyone knows that a healthy and well balanced diet is key to good work. That's why today I selected to eat a four person strawberry trifle for lunch. It's got all the major food groups: whipping cream, custard, sponge layer and jelly. I can't claim to have eaten it all myself, after about three servings I had to enlist a little help from my friends. You could say, it was a trifle too much for me. Thanks go to Pete, Tim and Charlie, who showed great panache and choreography whilst eating trifle with a knife.
All popular diets include some forbidden food and my diet is no exception. The big no-no is food with blue plastic in it. Today was a great case in point. Imagine the scene: me, going about my normal business, ready for a quick snack. So I reached into my bag and pulled out a ham and mustard-flavour-sauce sandwich. I'd had such sandwiches before, so as I tore back the plastic sheath to reveal the cheeky snack, I was already salivating in anticipation. But imagine my surprise as I discovered two bits of blue plastic in my food (see diagram for further details)! As Tim sagely pointed out "Dude, that's probably a piece of a catering plaster. I found one in my Mc Donalds once". Basically, the blue plastic indicates that it is a forbidden food.
OK, so for those people reading this who I have already told that I found a plaster in my sandwich, the picture probably looks a little disappointing. You'd probably tell me to eat around it. Initially I agreed with you, "Be a man and eat it" I told myself. Literally nanoseconds later (yes, that's how fast I think on food related matters) I performed a complete u-turn. "How about not eating this and not getting a disease" I decided instead.
So I took it back to Tescos to get my £1.14 back. You would have thought they might have been slightly apologetic after a loyal customer found a plaster in their sandwich. Quite the reverse in fact: I left feeling like it was my fault that some dude had left part of their plaster in my snack food. I guess you could call it finger food. At least I got my money back in the end. I declined the offer of a replacement sandwich.

In other breaking news this evening, TBR's Martin Archer is using facebook as a college networking and dating service. Speaking exclusively to thedudenextdoor, Martin Archer revealed "I've just been poked back by the hottest girl at Imperial. Now I've sent her a cheeky message and added her as my friend". An independent eye witness, Andy Smith, corroborated the story, and added "phwoar" when shown the profile of the 'hottest girl at Imperial'.